Have a super Sommer!

 

Lars' family from Birket, Lolland. 

 

I hope everyone has a good summer. It's warm here, it rains sometimes - a typical Danish summer.

Lars and I have celebrated a milestone! On June 1st we celebrated our ruby ​​wedding anniversary. 40 years together. Some days it feels, like it was yesterday, that we got married. The day after, we traveled to Bern in Switzerland and were sealed for all eternity. That means everything to us. Others get married "till death do us part". We believe in eternity! In a life together.

Lars has been quite ill. We have had a frank conversation with our doctor. It has now been decided that it is now more about quality of life than a lot of examinations/treatments. Things are happening to Lars that he does not want to be described. 

Lars and I decided together to write this blog, and I therefore respect his decision.

We live every day. We bond closer than I thought possible.

Lars has had 3 wishes before his life comes to an close:

1. To be older than his father. 
2. To be 70
3. To experience our 40th wedding anniversary.

He has now experienced all 3 things. 

Now he has started looking at pictures of his family. He wants to sort as many pictures as he can. (We have several boxes of pictures). It is great to see that he has found something to be interested in.

I hope we all find something to achieve/fight for. To leave something of ourselves for the younger generations that they can learn from - be happy about.

-------------------------------

Jeg håber alle har en god sommer. Her er det varmt, det regner ind i mellem - en typisk Dansk sommer.

Lars og jeg har fejret en milepæl. 1 Juni havde vi Rubin bryllup. 40 år sammen. Nogle dage er det, som om det blot var i går vi blev gift. At vi dagen efter rejste til Bern, Schweiz, og blev beseglet for al evighed. Det betyder alt for os. Andre bliver gift "til døden os skiller". Vi tror, på evighed! På et liv sammen.

Lars har været ret syg. Vi har haft en åbenhjertig samtale med vores læge. Det er nu besluttet, at det mere gælder livskvalitet, end en masse undersøgelser/behandlinger. Der sker ting med Lars, som han ikke ønsker skal beskrives. Lars og jeg besluttede sammen og skrive denne blog, og jeg respekterer derfor hans beslutning.

Vi lever hver dag. Vi knytter tættere bånd, end jeg troede muligt.

Lars havde 3 ønsker for livet:

1. At blive ældre end hans far. 
2. At blive 70 år
3. At opleve vores 40 års bryllupsdag.

Han har nu oplevet alle 3 ting. 
Nu er han begyndt at se på billeder fra hans familie. Han vil gerne sortere så mange billeder han kan. (Vi har flere kasser med billeder). Det er dejligt at se, han har fundet noget at interessere sig for.

Jeg håber, vi alle, må finde noget at opnå/kæmpe for. At efterlade noget af os selv, til yngre generationer, som de kan lære af - glædes over. 

¨

A card in a boxed envelope,for a Silver anniversary  card, a boxed envelope. The card also has a pocket for money.

Birthday, hard times and a miracle!

 

Background paper are holy branches. So it's a Christmas card, even though it's only April.

This mouse is a free download from Beccysplace.

It's from her blog, from March last year.
I've used this digi-stamp many times. I just love it, so here it is again.
https://beccysplace.blogspot.com/20 24/03/march-challenge.html

Go to Beccys store NOW. Beccy's closing the closes the possibility of purchasing digi-stamps by the end af June. There's so many great stamps.
Her store:
https://beccysplace.com/

I'm participating with this card here:

https://kraftychickschallenge.blogspot.com/ # 16
https://dragonflydreamschallenges.blogspot.com/ # 23
https://alphabetchallengeblog.blogspot.com/ # 21

Hi All

The time since I last wrote has been a rollercoaster ride without equal.

The best thing has been that we celebrated Lars' 70th birthday.

Originally it was suppose to be a party for the WHOLE family - but when time came to invite people to the party, we had to admit, that it wouldn't be a big party. Our children and children-in-law and grandchild, and Lars' siblings and spouses came (and Mia's father). It was a wonderful time with the family. A few hours, but intense hours, where there was laughter and time to reminisce and even look at family photos. Lars was tired for several days afterwards. But he was happy - full of memories! It was all worth it.

Unfortunately, Lars has also been sick, he has had a TCI (transient ischemic attack, temporary blood clot). and for the first time we experienced that Lars woke up with a mouth full of clotted blood. We knew it could happen, it was scary. Fortunately, we were able to call for help, and everything is ok.

The biggest blessing in this past month has been... first a little background:

I didn't have a great upbringing. I moved away from home when I was 13. I went to school in another town for 3 years - after school I started working. When I was 19 I moved to Sjælland. There I met a fantastic family, the Jakobsen family. They were also members of our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saint. Karen, the mother, taught me everything I lacked in terms of both practical and spiritual qualities. I called them, and still do, my foster parents. I felt like part of their family. Being part of a real family was new to me. I learned so much during the years I lived in Sjælland. It is now 40 years since then, and I'm still in contact with them. Not so much the last few years, because of Lars' illness. But the gratitude and love for them is still there, and always will be.

Last week, I spoke to their daughter Zanna. She is amazing. Enthusiastic, insightful and spiritual.

The conversation turned to genealogy. I told her about Roothtech, a conference abt. genealogy.  Among many things, it allows you to see if there are others who have signed up for the conference - that you are related to. For fun, I opened my computer. I thought that feature was gone, but it wasn't.

Karen is my 7th cousin in a direct line! So the one who taught me so much that I admire - the ones who took me into their homes - is my family! Zanna is my 8th cousin!

The world is small. We can feel alone, but a family is what we make it.
A family is not only blood relatives, it can be people we meet, that we bond with... (and who, for me, by some miracle, are my family).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hej Alle

Tiden siden jeg sidst skrev har været en rutsjetur uden lige.

Det bedste har været, at vi fejrede Lars' 70 års fødselsdag.

Oprindeligt skulle det være en fest for HELE familien – men da tiden var inde til, at vi skulle invitere folk til fest, måtte vi erkende, at det ikke ville blive en stor fest. Vores børn og svigerbørn og barnebarn, og Lars' søskende og ægtefæller kom (og Mias far). Det var en vidunderlig tid med familien. Et par timer, men intense timer, hvor der blev grinet og tid til at mindes og endda se på familiebilleder. Lars var træt i flere dage bagefter. Men han var glad – fuld af minder! Det var det hele værd.

Desværre har Lars også været syg, han har haft en TCI (transitorisk iskæmisk infarkt, forbigående blodprop).  Desuden oplevede vi også, for første gang, at Lars vågnede med munden fuld af størknet blod. Vi vidste, det kunne ske, det var skræmmende. Heldigvis kunne vi tilkalde hjælp, og alt er ok.

Den største velsignelse i den foregående måned, har været... først lige lidt baggrund:

Jeg havde ikke så god en opvækst. Jeg flyttede hjemmefra som 13 årig. Jeg gik på skole i en anden by i 3 år - efter skolen begyndte jeg at arbejde. Som 19 årig flyttede jeg til Sjælland. Der mødte jeg en fantastisk familie, Familien Jakobsen. De var også medlem af vores kirke, Jesu Kristi Kirke af Sidste Dages Hellige. Karen, moderen, lærte mig alt det jeg manglede af både praktiske og åndelige egenskaber. Jeg kaldte dem, og gør det stadig, mine plejeforældre. Jeg følte mig som en del af familien. At være en del af en rigtig familie, var nyt for mig. Jeg lærte så meget, i de år jeg boede på Sjælland. Jeg har igennem alle de 40 år der er gået, haft kontakt til dem. Ikke så meget de sidste par år, på grund af Lars' sygdom. Men taknemmeligheden og kærligheden til dem, er der stadig, og vil altid være der.

I sidste uge, snakkede jeg deres datter Zanna. Hun er fantastisk: Begejstret, indsigtsfuld og åndelig.

Snakken faldt på genealogi. Jeg fortalte om konferencen, Roothtech, at man kunne se om der var andre, som havde tilmeldt sig - som man var i familie med. For sjovt åbnede jeg min computer. Jeg mente at, den feature var væk, men det var den ikke:

Karen er min 7. kusine i lige linje! Altså hende, som lærte mig så meget, som jeg beundrer - de som tog mig til sig - er min familie! Zanna er altså min 8. kusine!

Verden er lille. Vi kan føle os alene, men en familie er hvad vi gør den til.
En familie er ikke kun blodsbeslægtede, det kan være mennesker vi møder, som vi knytter bånd med... (og som, for mig, ved et mirakel, er min familie).

A LONG update

Again a digi stamp from Beccys Place, it's called:
You're A Hoot 
You know how much I love Beccys digi stamp.
I can't begin a new blog post, without showing a digi stamp from her shop.

Hi Everyone

It's been a long time since I last wrote - and a lot has happend the last 3 months. Very few have been informed about the extent of what has happened.

My intension has not been to stop writing about our journey in this challenging universe of dementia/Parkinson's, dysphagia, diabetes and cirrhosis. It's been more about us - probably more me - finding my role as a wife and caregiver. Many things have simply been put on "stand by": I love making cards. I find it incredibly challenging to participate in Beccy's November challenge. Participating in the Christmas market where Kami lives. Making Christmas gifts for the Carecenters outdoor group, as a thank you for their work - all things I haven't had the energy to do.

As I wrote in the previous post, we were in Skejby to have Lars evaluated. They told us, that Lars have about 2 years to live and then his liver will problebly give up. However, that was on the condition that he did not get sick from other things...

Only a few weeks later Lars was hospitalized again. Again with liver problems. It was hard, since we had just been in Skejby. The meeting was still very clear in my memory.

The autumn went by quickly, every day with the same routine:

1. The home care comes at 8 o'clock, Lars gets up, gets washed and gets dressed.
2. Lars has breakfast. It takes a lot of energy, and therefore he often falls asleep.
3. Lars goes back to bed. 
4. At 12-1 pm he gets up and gets something to eat. If he is too tired to eat, he gets a protein drink instead, and he sleeps again. 
5. Some days he gets up for a couple of hours in the afternoon. These are days we are happy about.
6. After dinner, when he often falls asleep again, the helpers come and puts him to bed.

Routine is something Lars appreciates. We are blessed with few helpers coming. Lars reacts when there are new faces. It makes him restless. When they have left, he often asks me: Why? He is right, why? We have an agreement that we will be called if the outgoing group has to send someone Lars does not know. It just doesn't happen. We have a good collaboration with Care centers outgoing group, for sure, but in this area it just doesn't work.

On New Year's Eve, Lars was hospitalized. He was babbling, and at times very confused. A nurse gave him fluids: There are many who are dehydrated, so it's probably the same here!!! The next day he was discharged!!!

A week later he fell in our bedroom. I called the Care centers outgoing group.  When you fall, a "fall report" must be made. When you are also taking blood thinners and are over 65 years old, the Care centers outgoing group must contact a doctor. You are often scanned to rule out that something else is going on. That was also what happened to Lars.

Fortunately, the scan did not show anything, so we were allowed to go home again. But ... the scan showed that there recently had been a blood clot!!! I asked the doctor, if that could have been what had happened on New Year's Eve? She said, yes, most linkely. I felt guilty for not having caught on to it. About 6 years ago he had many small, temporary blood clots. 

Right now we think a lot about how to prevent Lars from falling again. Just this last week he has fallfrom the fact that last week Lars fell twice: Wednesday and Thursday.

He is becoming more and more unsteady on his feet, and is therefore sitting in his wheelchair more.

On Wednesday, he wanted to take something from the bottom shelf of a bookcase - his legs locked and he swayed back and forth. I just managed to grab him and support his head so it didn't hit the floor.

Thursday morning at 6 o'clock, he fell out of bed. He hit the bedside table before he hit the floor. I woke up with the sound of the 2 bumps! I must admit, I screamed, I was scared. Kami was home and woke up when I shouted for her to come and help me.

We called the Care centers outgoing group, and they took over. I sat shaking in the living room. It was a violent incident - and at the same time Lars was calm! He couldn't remember what had happened!

I am grateful that Kami and the home care were here. This time I couldn't handle it. Kami is a rock in these situations. Afterwards she reacts. 

Our daughter-in-law, Mia, came with Lars and I, to an interview at the hospital, with Chief Physician Asser. In the future, she will come along. If she can't, Lars' sister Inger has promised to go with us.

Why? There have been a few people who have directly said to me: Aren't you overdramatizing? Is it really that bad? No doctor sets a time limit on how long time you haveleft! I needed someone else to hear these things. To be my witness! I am grateful that Chief Physician Asser took the time to tell us, that what I had said was true and properly understood.

He also went through what we can expect will be the next challenges Lars will face. He said, that Lars would start coughing when he eats. This would weaken Lars more than he needs.

Mia looked at me. I told her, that if she has something she wants to say, she should do it (or something along those lines). Mia then says: He already does!!! I must admit, that I am failing once again. I had not considered that it could be a problem that he was coughing. Thanks to Mia. She is fantastic. She says things as they are. I am grateful that she is my daughter-in-law.

The day after this conversation, I contacted the Care centers outgoing group, to inform them about the conversation with Chief Physician Asser.

The person I spoke to turned out to be the person responsible for the dysphagia area. What a blessing! She came over to us the very next day - and things happend very quickly from there. She contacted those who prepare food for the sick in Randers. Within a week, we had a meeting, Anette from Home Care Outgoing Group, Helle from Food Service, Lars, Mia and I. The result was that Lars shall have food from Food Service. He shall have enriched, creamy food. It is something I cannot make. It doesn't look very inspiring, but Lars says it tastes good. 
It is an expensive food - one that we cannot afford, at all. At the same time, he also gets protein drinks. In total, it comes to almost 3000 DKK pr. month. I am grateful that our church will help pay for it.

There has also been something positive, and that should not be forgotten.

Christmas was fantastic. The family was gathered with us. Mia's father, Flemming, and brother, Peter, traveled all the way from Sjælland to be with us. Like Mia, they are wonderful people. Honest and straightforward. These are qualities I appreciate.

Our son-in-law, Aske, listens when I am frustrated and worried. We have talked a lot about going to the Temple in Copenhagen. It is a long way, and I can't drive that far. What does he do then? He drives Kami and I back and forth - on the same day. How grateful I am for him. He has a spiritual insight that I admire.

What I have learned from the last 3 months:

1. To live while we have the opportunity.
2. To appreciate simple things.
3. That love never dies.
4. That we are given new opportunities - if we want to accept them. 
5. That life does not stop because we are challenged.
6. That just because others do not understand our challenges, it does not make them any less real and important.
7. That we can choose to grow and become strong when the wind against us feels like a hurricane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hej Alle

Det er længe siden jeg sidst skrev - og rigtig meget er sket de sidste 3 måneder.
Kun få har været informeret om omfanget, af hvad der er hændt.

Det har ikke for at stoppe med at skrive på bloggen, om vores rejse i dette udfordrende univers som demens/Parkinson, dysfagi, sukkersyge og skrumpelever er. Det har mere været, at vi - nok mere jeg - skulle finde min rolle som hustru og plejer.
Mange ting har simpelthen været sat på "stand by".
Jeg elsker at lave kort. Jeg synes det er fantastisk udfordrende at deltage i Beccys November udfordring. At deltage i julemarkedet hos Kami er så givende. At lave julegaver til hjemmelejens udegruppe som tak for deres arbejde - alt noget jeg ikke har haft overskud til.

Som jeg skrev i det forrige indlæg, var vi i Skejby for at få Lars vurderet. Her mente man at Lars med held, ville have ca. 2 år at leve og så ville hans lever ikke kunne klare mere. Det var dog under den forudsætning, at han ikke blev syg af andre ting...

Kun et par uger senere blev Lars indlagt igen. Igen med lever problemer. 
Det var hårdt, eftersom  vi lige havde været i Skejby. Mødet der, sad så tydelig i min erindring.

Efteråret gik hurtigt, hver dag med den samme rutine:

1. Hjemmeplejen kommer ved 8 tiden, Lars kommer op, bliver vasket og kommer i tøjet.
2. Lars får morgenmad. Det tager mange kræfter, og han falder derfor ofte i søvn.
3. Lars kommer i seng igen. 
4. Ved 12-13 tiden kommer han op og får noget at spise. Er han for træt til at spise, får han en  proteindrik i stedet, og han sover igen. 
5. Nogle dage kommer han op et par timer om eftermiddagen. Det er dage vi er glade for.
6. Efter aftensmaden, hvor han ofte igen falder i søvn, kommer hjemmeplejen og lægger ham i seng.

Rutine er en ting Lars sætter pris på. Vi er velsignet med at det er få hjælpere der kommer.
Lars reagerer når det er nye ansigter. Det gør ham utryg. Han går mere ind i sig selv, og når de er gået, spørger han mig: Hvorfor? Det har han ret i, hvorfor? Vi har en aftale om at der skal ringes til os, hvis der kommer afløsere som Lars ikke kender. Det sker bare ikke. Vi har et godt samarbejde med Hjemmeplejen, helt sikkert, men lige på dette område fungerer det bare ikke.

Nytårsaften blev Lars indlagt. Han vrøvlede, og var i perioder meget uklar.
En sygeplejerske gav ham væske: Der er mange som er dehydreret, så er nok det samme her!!! Dagen efter blev han udskrevet.

En uge senere faldt han i soveværelset. Jeg ringede til Hjemmeplejen.
Når man falder, skal der laves en "fald-rapport". Når man samtidig får blodfortyndende og er over 65 år, skal hjemmeplejen kontakte en læge. Ofte bliver man scannet for at udelukke at der er sket noget. Det var også det som skete med Lars.
Scanningen vise heldigvis ikke noget, så vi måtte gerne tage hjem igen. Og dog... scanningen viste at der for nyligt havde været en blodprop!!! Jeg spurgte lægen, om det kunne have været det, som var hændt nytårsaften? Han havde jo vrøvlet og været uklar. Det mente hun!
Hvor fik jeg dårlig samvittighed, over ikke at have fanget det. For ca. 6 år siden havde han nemlig mange små forbigående blodpropper. 

Lige nu er vi så ved at komme os over, at  i sidste uge faldt Lars 2 gange: Onsdag og torsdag.
Han bliver mere og mere usikker på benene, og sidder derfor mere i kørestolen.
Onsdag, ville han tage noget fra den nederste hyld i reolen - hans ben låste sig fast, og han svajede frem og tilbage. Jeg nåede lige at få fat i ham, og støtte hans hoved, så det ikke hamrede i gulvet.

Torsdag morgen ved 6 tiden, faldt han ud af sengen. Han ramte  sengebordet, før han ramte gulvet. Jeg vågnede var de 2 bump, det gav da han ramte gulvet. Jeg må indrømme, jeg skreg.
Kami var hjemme og vågnede, da jeg råbte på hende. Hvor blev jeg bange.
Hjemmeplejen blev tilkaldt, og de tog over. Jeg sad og rystede i stuen. Det var en voldsom hændelse - og samtidig var Lars rolig! Han kunne ikke huske, hvad der var sket!
Jeg er taknemmelig for at Kami og Hjemmeplejen. var her. Denne gang kunne jeg ikke håndtere det.

Vores svigerdatter, Mia, har været med til en samtale på sygehuset, ved Overlæge Asser. Fremover tager hun med. Kan hun ikke, har Lars' søster Inger, lovet at gøre det. 
Der har været et par stykker, som direkte har sagt til mig: Overdramatiserer du nu ikke? Er det virkelig så slemt? Ingen læge sætter tid på, hvor langt man har igen!

Jeg havde brug for, at en anden hører disse ting. At være mit vidne! Jeg er taknemmelig for at Overlæge Asser, tog sig tid til at fortælle, at det, jeg havde sagt var rigtigt, og rigtig forstået.
Han gennemgik også det, som vi nu kan forvente, vil blive de næste udfordringer, Lars vil få.
Han mente, at Lars ville begynde at hoste, når han spiser. Det vil blot afkræfte Lars mere end han har brug for.
Mia kikker på mig. Jeg siger, at har hun noget, hun gerne vil sige, så skulle hun gøre det (eller noget i den retning). Mia siger så: Det gør han allerede!!!
Jeg må flovt erkende, at jeg endnu en gang svigter. Jeg havde ikke overvejet, at det kunne være et problem, at han hostede, Jeg havde ikke lagt mærke til det. 
Tak til Mia. Hun er fantastisk. Hun siger tingene som de er. Jeg er taknemmelig for at hun er min svigerdatter.
Dagen efter denne samtale, kontaktede jeg hjemmeplejen for at informere om samtalen.
Hende jeg talte med, viste sig at være den ansvarlige på dysfagi-området. Hvilken velsignelse!
Hun kom over til os allerede dagen efter - og så  gik det hurtigt. Hun kontaktede dem som laver mad til syge i Randers. Inden for en uge, havde vi et møde, Anette fra Hjemmeplejen  Helle fra Madservice, Lars, Mia og jeg. Resultatet blev, at Lars skal have mad fra Madservice. Han skal have beriget, cremet kost. Det er noget jeg ikke kan lave. Det ser nu ikke særlig inspirerende ud, men Lars siger det smager godt.
Det er en dyr kost - en som vi slet ikke har råd til. Samtidig får han også proteindrikke. Sammenlagt bliver det næsten 3000 kr om måneden. Jeg er taknemmelig for at vores kirke vil hjælpe med at betale for det.

 Noget positivt har der også været, og det skal ikke glemmes. 

Julen var fantastisk. Familien var samlet hos os. Mias far, Flemming og bror, Peter tog den lange vej fra Sjælland for at være sammen med os. De er ligesom Mia nogle dejlig mennesker. Oprigtige og ligefremme. Det er egenskaber jeg sætter pris på.

Vores svigersøn, Aske, lægger øre til når jeg er frustreret og bekymret. Vi har talt meget om at tage til Templet i København. Det er en lang vej, og jeg kan ikke køre så langt. Hvad gør han så? Han kører Kami og jeg frem og tilbage - på samme dag. Hvor jeg er taknemmelig for ham. Han har en åndelig indsigt, jeg beundrer.

Hvad har jeg lært af de sidste 3 måneder:

1. At leve medens, vi har muligheden for det.
2. At påskønne enkle ting.
3. At kærligheden aldrig dør.
4. At vi bliver givet nye muligheder - hvis vi vil tage imod dem. 
5. At livet ikke går i stå, fordi vi udfordres.
6. At fordi andre ikke forstår, vores udfordringer, gør det dem ikke mindre rigtige og vigtige.
7. At vi kan vælge, at vokse og blive stærke, når vinden imod os, føles som en orkan.