mandag den 20. juni 2022

A difficult decision - or maybe not.

(på Dansk nedest i dette opslag)

I find it difficult to write this post. But I want to tell what's going on ...

Lars is on a 2 week stay, at a care center. (To give me a break)...
There were some things that were not as they should be, so I contacted the manager of the care center. She promised to follow up on the things I had told her, because she agreed, that these were things that were not right.
Here comes the biggest complaint: an employee called me. She asked, if I'd been informed that Lars had fallen? She thought it might be a good idea for me to know if I had planned to come and visit him.

In fact, at the time, I was packing some things that Lars was wanted, and then I was off to visit him. So, yes, that was nice to know. But, the person could not tell how it had happened - strange!
When I came to the care center, I was told, he had fallen Monday late in the afternoon - now it was Thursday
!

I should have had red hair - I was furious. Why had no one contacted me? Now it suddenly also made sense, why the caller could not tell how it had happened.
Lars had walked out of a different door - one he was not suppose to! Now he could not find his way. He ended up falling down a slope with his walker. 
Over the last year, Lars has fallen 4 times. The last 3 times, within the last 4 months.

Now, here comes the big decision.

We have to move! It is far too "dangerous" for Lars to live here. We have many stairs, inside, down to the basement. Outside there are stairs up to the main door and also down the basement. When does he fall one of these places? I feel an anxiety inside now, that I have not had before. A week ago, Lars fell outside ...

In the same timeframe, he has more and more difficulty remembering things that have just happened. Whether it's a landslide in his illness or something to do with his medication, or his falls, I do not know.
It needs to be looked into. Tomorrow I will call our doctor.

It's hard to do all this without Lars. Usually it would be something that he would take care of. We have been a very traditional married couple in that way. Now it's on my shoulders. I try to talk to Lars about it, but not too much. He gets confused by to much talk.

I can not escape the fact that there is a change - but it's hard to admit.

My cousin Mona, once told me, something like this: knowing someone with dementia is saying goodbye several times.

She is right. Every time there is a degeneration, it is a goodbye to what was - and at the same time, you  have to relate to a new everyday life.

What helps me, when things are tuff, is that I believe we encounter things on our way through life that can help and develop us. It's not the same as life is easy - certainly not, far from it. It just gives me the courage to keep going, even when it's hard and looks dark. We also meet people on our way, who can lift us, as long as we allow them. There are so much love around us. We feel so blessed.






























 En svær beslutning - og så alligevel ikke.
Jeg har svært ved at skrive dette indlæg. Men  jeg ønsker at fortælle hvad der sker...

Lars er på aflastning, og har været det i en uge. Han skal være der 2 uger i alt.
Der var nogle ting som ikke var som det skulle være, så jeg fik  kontaktede plejecentres leder. Hun lovede at følge op på de ting jeg fremlagde for hende, for hun var enig i, at det var ting som ikke var i orden.

Her kommer den største klage: en medarbejder ringede til mig. Var jeg blevet informeret om, at Lars var faldet? Hun tænkte at det måske var en god ide at jeg vidste det, hvis jeg havde planlagde at komme og besøge ham.
Faktisk var jeg på det tidspunkt i gang med at pakke nogle ting, som Lars manglede, og så skulle jeg besøge ham. Så, ja, det var da dejligt at vide.
Men, personen kunne ikke fortælle hvordan det var sket - underligt!

Da jeg så kom ud til Lars - viste det sig at han var faldet mandag sent på eftermiddagen. Nu var det Torsdag. Jeg burde have haft rødt hår - jeg var rasende. Hvorfor var der ikke nogen der havde kontaktet mig? Nu gav det pludselig mening, hvorfor den der ringede, ikke kunne fortælle hvordan det var sket. Lars var gået ud af en forkert dør, og kunne ikke finde vej. Han endte med at falde ned af en skrænt med sin rollator. 
Over det sidste år er Lars faldet 4 gange. De sidste 3 gange indenfor de sidste 4 måneder.

Nu kommer så den store beslutning.

Vi er nød til at flytte var huset. Det er alt for usikkert for Lars at bo her. Vi har mange trapper ned til kælderen. Udenfor er der trapper op til hoveddøren,  og ned til kælderen. Hvornår falder han et af disse steder? Jeg kan mærke en angst indeni nu. For en uge siden faldt Lars udenfor herhjemme... 

I samme tidsperiode har han fået mere og mere svær ved at huske, ting der lige er sket, svært ved at gå og han er mere svimmel. Om det er et skred i hans sygdom eller hans medicin ved jeg ikke. Det skal undersøges. I morgen vil jeg ringe til vores læge.

Det er svært at gøre alt dette, uden Lars. Normalt ville det være noget som han ville tage sig af. Vi har været et meget traditionelt ægtepar på det område. Nu ligger det på mine skuldre. Jeg forsøger at snakke med Lars om det, men ikke for meget. Han kan ikke rumme det.

Jeg kan ikke flygte fra at der er en forandring - men det er svært at indrømme.

Min kusine Mona, sagde engang til mig, noget i retningen af: at kende en med demens, er at sige farvel flere gange.
Hun har ret. Hver gang der er en degenerering, så er det et farvel til det som var - og samtidig, at skulle forholde sig til en ny hverdag.

Det, der hjælper mig, når tingene er svære, er, at jeg tror på, at vi møder ting på vores vej gennem livet, som kan hjælpe og udvikle os. Det er ikke det samme som at livet er nemt – bestemt ikke. Det giver mig bare modet til at blive ved, også når det er hårdt og ser mørkt ud. Vi møder også mennesker på vores vej, som kan løfte os, så længe vi giver dem lov. Der er så meget kærlighed omkring os. Vi føler os begge så velsignede.






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