Let's break a tabu! A bit long

Big Wishes
https://beccysplace.com/big-wishes-digital-stamps/

Entered https://beccyschallenges.blogspot.com/2023/04/april-challenge.html # 1

Stampin Up: Legendary ride
Entered https://kraftychickschallenge.blogspot.com # 22

Let's break a taboo:

What shall happen when we die?

There are many who do not like to talk about death.
I think we are both very open about it because we have experienced "losing", at a young age. Lars' mother died when she was just 48 years old, my sister died when she was 21 years old!

What does Lars want? He has always said that he would like to be buried in Skivholme, where there is a historically protected family burial site. 

Even though it is protected, you are welcome to put down an urn. Due to the liver-coma in January, we've talked a few times about that plot in Skivholme. We've also talked about a program for the service. These are topics that we have to adress on days when Lars feels good. And it has to be talked through several times, just so I'm sure Lars understand what he express to me - and not least, that what "we" decide is really what Lars wants.

I was therefore very surprised when Lars said he did not want to be buried in Skivholme. What? wheredid that come from? Yes, he doesn't know if he wants to be buried at all! Oh, what??? So what do he want? Does he want a grave of the unknown, the ashes scattered over the sea, or something else?
Lars ended up saying he would like to be cremated and have the urn placed in a forest cemetery. There aren't that many of them in Denmark, but fortunately there is one only 20 km from where we live, the place belongs to Clausholm Castle.

We went there so that Lars could see the place. We hadn't gone very far before he exclaimed: This is where it should be - in the middle of the forest.

The sign says:
Forrest burial ground

Do you see the stick in in middle of picture #2 -
It marks a plot. I did not take a picture close up, as there's a number in it.

Right now there are no leaves on the trees, so it might look a bit cold, but Lars can imagine how it will look in both summer and fall. So now it is decided, Clausholm Skovkirkegård will be the final resting place.

I think it is a sensible thing to discuss where and how a funeral should take place. Those who remain will be spared to guess what the deceased would have wanted, be uncertain and in doubt! Sorrow can have a place instead.

At the beginning of March we all went out to eat. It was a surprise, that it was a birthday dinner for Lars, he turned 68 March 28th.

Now, I learned that this is not how to do it anymore.
Dementia does not come with a handbook!
There have been a few times we have gone out to eat during the years we have been married(38 years Jun 1st.) - we just haven't had the money for it.
I wanted to surprise Lars - and create a good memory, mostly for the rest of us!
The day before his birthday, we talk about what's going to happen, and then he says: Well, isn't anyone coming? He had forgotten dinner was his birthday dinner.
I called our children, and they all pulled through! They made an evening for Lars.
Only Kamilla could not be present, but she was part of the gift - so she was included.
Mads, our grandson was running around enjoying himself,
One is cooking, one is making the dressing, some are setting the table... everyone is busy. It was just a lovely evening. Many thanks to all our children and children-in-law.
In the end, Lars was tired. When the nursing staff came to help him settle in for the night, he forgot all about the party - and went to bed. We were all happy that he had a wonderful evening.

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Lad os bryde et tabu:

Hvad skal der ske når vi dør?

Der er mange som ikke bryder sig om at tale om døden. Jeg tror vi er meget åbent om det, fordi vi begge har prøvet at "miste" i en ung alder. Lars' mor døde da hun var blot 48 år gammel, min søster døde da hun var 21 år gammel!
Hvad ønsker Lars? Han har altid sagt at han gerne vil begraves i Skivholme, hvor der er et fredet familiegravsted. Selvom det er fredet, må man gerne sætte en urne ned. Pga leverkoma i Januar, har vi snakket om gravsted og et program for højtideligheden, et par gange. Det skal gøres over flere gange og på dage hvor Lars har det godt. Og det skal snakkes igennem flere gange, så jeg er sikker på jeg forstår - og ikke mindst, at det som "vi" beslutter virkelig er det som Lars ønsker.
Stor var derfor min overraskelse, da Lars siger han ikke vil begraves i Skivholme. Jammen hvor så? Jo, han ved ikke om han vil begraves overhovedet! øh, et eller andet skal der jo ske!
I de ukendtes grav, askens strøs over havet, nej... Lars endte med at han gerne vil kremeres og have urnen sat ned i en skovkirkegård. Dem er der ikke så mange af i Danmark, men heldigvis er der en kun 20 km fra hvor vi bor, stedet hører under Clausholm Slot.
Vi tog dertil, for at Lars kunne se stedet. Vi havde ikke gået ret langt, før han udbrød: Det er her det skal være - inde i midten af skoven.
Lige nu er der ingen blade på træerne, så det ser måske lidt koldt ud, men Lars kan godt forestille sig det. Så nu er det bestemt, Clausholm Skovkirkegård bliver det sidste hvilested.
Jeg synes det er en fornuftig ting, at få snakket igennem hvor og hvordan en begravelse skal foregå. Den/de som er tilbage, skal ikke gætte hvad den afdøde ville have ønsket, være usikker og i tvivl! Sorgen kan i stedet få plads.

I begyndelsen af Marts var vi alle ude og spise. Det var en overraskelse, at det var en fødselsdagsmiddag for Lars. 

Nu har jeg lært, at det skal jeg ikke gøre mere.
Der følger ikke en håndbog med Demens!
Det har været få gange vi har været ude og spise i løbet af de år vi har været gift (38 år d. 1 Juni) - vi har bare ikke haft penge til det. Jeg ville overraske Lars, og samtidig skabe et minde for os andre!
Dagen før hans fødselsdag, snakker vi om hvad der ske, og så siger han: Jammen, kommer der ikke nogen? Han havde glemt middagen var for ham. Well, børnene laver en super aften for Lars. Kun Kamilla kan ikke være tilstede, hun er dog med i gaven - så hun ER inkluderet. Mads, vores barnebarn løber rundt og hygger sig, En laver mad, en laver dressing, nogle dækker bord... alle er i gang. Det var bare en dejlig aften. Tusind tak til alle vore børn og svigerbørn.

Til slut var Lars træt. Da plejepersonalet kom, for at gøre ham klar til natten - glemte han alt om festen, og gik i seng. Vi var alle glade for at han havde haft en skøn aften.

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